Because i know non of my friend will read this blog, so i decided to treat this blog as a "partner" where i can share my feeling.

I am getting emo and emo since the day i left my family where it was 4 years ago....

When the time i stepped into working society, i faced a drastic changes in my life, the changes include

the way i talk,
the friends i make,
the places i go,
the food i eat,
the way i behave,
the thing i am thinking,
the way i look at other people,
the way i treat other people,
the way i treat myself,

more or less like that..

THE ONLY THING THAT REMAINED, IS MY HEART..

no matter how hard i tried, i still cannot change my idiot "SOFT" heart...
i give myself 4 years already, still fail... WTH!!!
i have to admit that i born with that kind of heart, no choice.....

soft heart has other meaning, CRUEL...
i do not know whether is it true or not, soft hearted person when they face disappointment, they will become CRUEL, means no heart at all...... THAT'S ME!!

i can give up everything to fight for the thing i want!!
so far never happen before because i do not know what i actually want .. =.=

I am quite understand WHY now!

Even though I have started a new life here, but without my realization, i never really feel happy before.... When the time i look at my friends photos, i can feel their happiness in their eyes....

But what about me? I got a lot of new friends here, but non of them are really my friends like before?

I exposed to more and more new thing comparing to my friends, but i still can see happiness inside their eyes and i cannot see any happiness inside mine/???

I really got no idea what caused me have that kind of thinking??

The only thing i know is there is no way i can change back like 1 year before.
I really faced a drastic changed in my life like somehow i myself also cannot accept it, what about my friends?

I am getting lost, getting lost of my dignity... Cannot understand myself any more....

Actually my memory is still there, just i chose to throw it away, because it brings me too much of pains that sometimes i cannot even withstand it....

at first i thought the changes on me was a good thing, but as time passes by, i realized that i never ever feel happy after the changes...

Is this called LIFE?

Be the one that i do not want to be, do the thing that i do not want to do.....
What else?

I think all those happened is because of i do not know what i want and i also cannot find the point, WHY AM I HERE?