Nothing is perfect in the world

I am quite understand WHY now!

Even though I have started a new life here, but without my realization, i never really feel happy before.... When the time i look at my friends photos, i can feel their happiness in their eyes....

But what about me? I got a lot of new friends here, but non of them are really my friends like before?

I exposed to more and more new thing comparing to my friends, but i still can see happiness inside their eyes and i cannot see any happiness inside mine/???

I really got no idea what caused me have that kind of thinking??

The only thing i know is there is no way i can change back like 1 year before.
I really faced a drastic changed in my life like somehow i myself also cannot accept it, what about my friends?

I am getting lost, getting lost of my dignity... Cannot understand myself any more....

Actually my memory is still there, just i chose to throw it away, because it brings me too much of pains that sometimes i cannot even withstand it....

at first i thought the changes on me was a good thing, but as time passes by, i realized that i never ever feel happy after the changes...

Is this called LIFE?

Be the one that i do not want to be, do the thing that i do not want to do.....
What else?

I think all those happened is because of i do not know what i want and i also cannot find the point, WHY AM I HERE?