Erm, this time i really put in extra effort, even though i can see the result improve quite alot, but is not the number that i really expected!!


What the hell is in my mind, i cannot be satisfied!
This may lead me to the wrong decision making at other time, but it might bring me to the next few level as well..

Starting today, i have to do a lot of planning, and eventually the friends close to me will become lesser and lesser without my realization. I also expect to have more new friends, erm, not call as friend, but partner!!

Honestly, i really still do not get what i really want.

let the time tell the story then!!

Never thought to see your facE again, suddenly you shown up in front of me, really shocked me!!
It shown that how much I am missing you!

But, I only able to say hello then you left! Sounds pathetics!!!

Seriously, should I do that? I'm not that kind of person last time!!
Since when I have changed that much?

Do I really have to choose another road?
Out of idea!!!! D@mn!!!!

I think I'm a bit over do it already!!

MAybe I can just stick to it and no more returning BACK !!!

Undeniable, the one I am missing all the time is still u, or I should say the one I love is still you!
I can always find u in my heart!!

Love is painful thing, but sometime love brings happiness!

I think I still treating u as a kid, because there is no way I can tell u are mature!!

Erm..

Offday, but ended up staying at home slp.
Good also la, go out also got nothing to do as well!!

Last night SMSing with u make me recall a lot of thing about you.
But now is just not the time for all those thing yet!

Stress changes me a lot, again, is the one that i never expected!!

Anyway, let me finish my offday first....

Human learn and grow up from mistake they made, is nothing to be shame of as long as we understand it well.

last time i can not even take my mistake as a mistake, but good thing is, now i can due to one reason, i gave up most of my past already.

I do not even have the time to think back the thing i did but I am trying to do something different instead.

If everyone use the excuse that experience is everything, then the world would never change, ever!! level

To make ourselves move to the next, do something other people never do..

The person that i expected to be few years ago, now totally in opposite direction:

I have became someone that i myself also cannot recognize.

My thinking, my mind, my soul, is just not me anymore.

Now i am really wondering is it the good beginning or vice verse.

Same old story, i still cannot find my point yet, maybe really need to wait until everything is too late then i can understand.......

Quite miss my old friends now, but got no way to contact them due to long distance.

How realistic have i became?
What is friends meant to me now?
For whole of my life, i never meet a really so called "true friend" and i do not think i want to know what is "true friend" as well.

For me, friend is just a tool, it depends on how you want to use anyway!!
When 2 person or more meet at same place and same time, they are friends. When one or more change or move to other place, they will find a new group or so called "friend" there. Pretty true huh?

Maybe that is called "LIFE" which nobody can avoid.

Because i know non of my friend will read this blog, so i decided to treat this blog as a "partner" where i can share my feeling.

I am getting emo and emo since the day i left my family where it was 4 years ago....

When the time i stepped into working society, i faced a drastic changes in my life, the changes include

the way i talk,
the friends i make,
the places i go,
the food i eat,
the way i behave,
the thing i am thinking,
the way i look at other people,
the way i treat other people,
the way i treat myself,

more or less like that..

THE ONLY THING THAT REMAINED, IS MY HEART..

no matter how hard i tried, i still cannot change my idiot "SOFT" heart...
i give myself 4 years already, still fail... WTH!!!
i have to admit that i born with that kind of heart, no choice.....

soft heart has other meaning, CRUEL...
i do not know whether is it true or not, soft hearted person when they face disappointment, they will become CRUEL, means no heart at all...... THAT'S ME!!

i can give up everything to fight for the thing i want!!
so far never happen before because i do not know what i actually want .. =.=

I am quite understand WHY now!

Even though I have started a new life here, but without my realization, i never really feel happy before.... When the time i look at my friends photos, i can feel their happiness in their eyes....

But what about me? I got a lot of new friends here, but non of them are really my friends like before?

I exposed to more and more new thing comparing to my friends, but i still can see happiness inside their eyes and i cannot see any happiness inside mine/???

I really got no idea what caused me have that kind of thinking??

The only thing i know is there is no way i can change back like 1 year before.
I really faced a drastic changed in my life like somehow i myself also cannot accept it, what about my friends?

I am getting lost, getting lost of my dignity... Cannot understand myself any more....

Actually my memory is still there, just i chose to throw it away, because it brings me too much of pains that sometimes i cannot even withstand it....

at first i thought the changes on me was a good thing, but as time passes by, i realized that i never ever feel happy after the changes...

Is this called LIFE?

Be the one that i do not want to be, do the thing that i do not want to do.....
What else?

I think all those happened is because of i do not know what i want and i also cannot find the point, WHY AM I HERE?

Welcome back

Wow, is been some times since my last post on blogspot!
Welcome back David :)

Things really changed a lot for these 2 years, I Also have changed a lot.
I really do not know this kind of changes is good or bad!

The things I am going to post here also will change a lot, you can see the different if you keep track at my blog.

Working now, maybe later then I update this DEAD blog again!

Stay tuned!